The honeymoon phase is when you start dating or get married, and everything about the other person seems perfect. You’re more apt to overlook quirks or frustrations your partner can do no wrong.
For some couples, it lasts a lifetime. For others, it’s over as soon as a few red flags emerge.
No matter how long it lasts, the honeymoon stage of a relationship can be a source of positivity and a timely opportunity to build on the long-term success of your relationship.
Here are some tips for making the most of it.
The Honeymoon Phase, Explained
Though a scientific definition of the “honeymoon phase” doesn’t exist, research shows that dopamine levels are elevated during the early relationship stages, explaining the euphoric feelings and heightened sense of bliss. That’s why you get those butterflies at the beginning of every great relationship.
The psychology of the honeymoon phase has been explained with the term “limerence,” coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1970.
Tennov described limerence as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute longing for emotional reciprocation, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person.”
Basically, all those can’t-eat, cant-sleep, all-consuming thoughts of your new partner are thanks partly to limerence.
How Long Does The Honeymoon Phase Last?
From my experience, the honeymoon phase lasts from a few months to several years.
Whether you experience a shorter honeymoon phase or something more prolonged, it’s important to be aware of your feelings and learn how to use them to fortify your relationship for the long haul.
Does Everyone Experience A Honeymoon Phase?
No heart palpitations or obsessive thoughts for your new partner? No worries!
It’s perfectly normal to build a healthy relationship from shared interests and mutual hobbies versus pure passion. Many people experience successful long-term relationships without a strong honeymoon phase.
Every relationship is different, and how (or if) the honeymoon phase manifests for you might not be the same as other couples.
What’s really important for a lasting partnership is building your relationship on a foundation of communication and mutual trust.
How Do I Know If I’m In The Honeymoon Phase?
Here’s how to tell if you’re in the honeymoon phase:
- You’re experiencing high levels of passion, excitement, and physical intimacy
- You’re feeling intense emotions of love and adoration
- You can’t get enough of your partner and find yourself spending countless hours talking, texting, or emailing
- You have difficulty concentrating on anything else besides your partner
- You make snap decisions, typically to spend more time with your partner
- You see eye-to-eye on almost everything
Clearly, the honeymoon stage seems like a dream come true, but it’s unrealistic to think it will last forever — and that’s completely normal!
Strength in relationships is developed by bouncing back from turmoil and working through deep topics that may have been overlooked or brushed aside during the early days of dating or marriage.
I’d argue that the real relationship begins once the honeymoon phase ends.
From Honeymoon Phase to Thriving Relationship
Once the euphoria from the early stages starts to dissolve, you may begin to feel the crash.
For example, you may notice character defaults in your partner that you didn’t see before. Or maybe you’ve finally met their family and didn’t get along as you would have liked.
These obstacles can feel like speed bumps or roadblocks. Either way, your relationship doesn’t have to end. In fact, you and your partner can blossom here.
Use these tips to power your relationship, even after the honeymoon phase is over:
1. Communicate, Then Communicate Some More
Remember those great phone calls and conversations that lasted for hours during the honeymoon stage? Now, it’s time to harness the power of words again. Except this time, you’ll use conversations to solve your newfound challenges.
The key is to be open, honest, receptive, and thorough. Be an active listener and mindful speaker. Respect each other’s viewpoints and work towards a collaborative solution, not a one-sided compromise.
It’s important to note that communication takes practice; sometimes, you’ll fall victim to poor communication. However, don’t worry about these stumbles; instead, identify gaps in your discourse and work through them — one conversation at a time.
If needed, enlist the help of a therapist or marriage counselor to navigate impasses. If you’re looking for a referral, contact me, and I’ll put you in touch with someone in my trusted network.
2. Remain Transparent
Transparency is one of the most critical underpinnings of great communication.
When you’re transparent with your partner, you create a safe space for exchanging information. They don’t have to worry about being judged and vice-versa, further building trust in your partnership. Maintaining transparency will help with conflict resolution and further strengthen your bond.
3. Maintain Autonomy
Couples are strongest when each partner is working on themselves individually and together.
Don’t get so swept up during the honeymoon phase that you lose sight of your personal goals, passions, hobbies, and interests. When relevant, invite your partner to learn or participate in your activities, but, for the most part, save time for just you.
4. Talk Finances
Talking about money during (or even after) the honeymoon phase may seem taboo.
Still, the reality is that being on the same page about finances from the very beginning is absolutely crucial to succeeding as a couple. By talking through money, you learn about each other’s financial situation as well as thoughts, feelings, goals, and history around money.
Essentially, you’re working towards a common goal or finding issues that can’t be resolved. Discussing finances can cement or unravel your relationship. Don’t let this scare you. It’s easier to handle this sooner when the stakes are higher.
What Next?
Money talks are especially important if you’re thinking about marriage or are already married. Charting assets and debts and discussing their implications is crucial when crafting a solid prenup and future-minded financial plan.
Whether in the honeymoon phase or after, I can help you kickstart a successful marriage through powerful prenups customized to accomplish your specific goals. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions on a consultation call — I’d be happy to help.