Warning: this article contains spoilers for the Netflix series, “Nobody Wants This.”
My wife and I recently binge-watched the Netflix show “Nobody Wants This,” which follows the budding romance between a rabbi (Adam Brody) and an agnostic podcaster (Kristen Bell).
The show explores a variety of themes, from attachment styles to the role of compromise, but what piqued my interest was the prevailing question:
Does love really conquer all?
Joanne (Bell) and Noah (Brody) consistently encounter roadblocks in their relationship as they navigate their unconventional pairing. Despite this, they gravitate back to one another, having faith that their deep connection will be stronger than the tribulations they face.
But…will it?
In the real world, I’ve witnessed firsthand what happens when people push aside fundamental differences in favor of their passion for one another.
Unfortunately, passion is temporary, and I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t always work out for the best.
When the fireworks die down and the smoke lifts, people are left to sift through the complications of their union, often after they’ve become deeply invested and possibly even married.
My take? Love isn’t enough to ensure a successful marriage.
Here’s why:
1. You Can’t Live In A Love Bubble
If you could exist in a tiny ecosystem with your SO, where there were no outside influences or issues to resolve, you could get along just fine. This is when we see Joanne and Noah at their best—in the early days of their romance when they’re alone with no concern for family, religion, work, or friends.
But you can only coast in this fantasyland for so long.
Outside influences affect you and, by extension, your partner in due time. Whether it’s work drama, family pressure, or personal desires, conflict is a normal part of life and relationships that require more than love and good vibes to address.
Eventually, you’ll leave the love bubble. Make sure you’re mentally prepared to not only communicate when these issues arise, but to work through them if you really want to make your marriage work. On the other hand, red flags should not be ignored, and even if you absolutely love each other, you may not be right for each other in the long run.
2. Values Matter
The honeymoon phase is a hell of a ride. You might even be more willing to excuse certain behaviors and opinions because you’re so head-over-heels.
But as time passes and the excitement fades, you may realize that some traits are no longer charming or tolerable.
Sharing fundamental values is a core component of a successful relationship.
Does that mean you need to agree on everything?
Of course not.
But you should agree on the stuff that matters, like whether you want kids, career goals, political alignment, financial goals, and anything else that’s important to you or could impact your life together.
You’ll need to decide which components of your value system you’re willing to budge on and whether your love for your partner is stable enough to make it worth it. You will also need to decide on what values are non-negotiable in your life to ensure that your needs will always be met.
3. You’re Marrying More Than Each Other
When you commit to another person, you’re committing to every part of that person.
That means their family, their religion, their finances, their culture.
Mutual love is a great start, but you should also consider how much you’re willing to tolerate and whether your love is enough to counterbalance all the other stuff.
Your partner overspends—could that be an issue down the road?
You’re balancing different religions—have you agreed on which one you’ll raise your children with?
There’s an overbearing mother or father-in-law—have you discussed what boundaries you’ll set?
These are just a few examples of how your individual histories can creep into your marriage, testing the limits of your love for one another.
Joanne was right to feel hesitant about diving in with Noah after he’s made Head Rabbi. She even breaks things off, knowing the pressures she’ll have as his partner are mismatched with her personality and lifestyle.
In the end, they choose their love over these external factors. Will it work out? We’ll just have to wait until Season Two…
The Takeaway: Be Pragmatic in Matters of Love
It’s not sexy, but it pays to be pragmatic in new relationships.
It’s easy to put the love blinders on when you’re excited about a new person. Still, your life can have serious repercussions if you rush in without considering your long-term compatibility.
Put together a clear inventory of everything that matters to you in marriage, and then use this as a measuring stick for potential partners.
If alarm bells are ringing, pause to analyze why you feel that way. Maybe it’s nothing, and you live a long and happy life together.
But if something doesn’t align with your personal inventory, you may be better off stepping away and avoiding major drama later on.
And because I AM The Prenup Guy why not start the prenup talk early on?
I’m a big proponent of starting these discussions early to get a feel for where you’re both at with some of life’s biggest decisions. Check out my Talking Money Guide to get started.
As for Joanne and Noah? Love wins in Season One, but I suspect we’ve only seen the beginning of their drama.