We indeed have little control over how we fall in love. Some couples fall hard and fast, while others grow into it over time.
But one dynamic that often gets overlooked is friendship as the foundation for lasting love. And while it’s not a requirement, it’s worth considering.
Why?
When friendship precedes romance, it can set the tone for a healthier, more resilient partnership. Nothing exemplifies this better than the 1989 rom-com classic “When Harry Met Sally…,” in which the main characters maintain a 12-year friendship before realizing they were meant for each other all along.
Aside from excellent writing, acting, and atmosphere, “When Harry Met Sally…” endures for another reason: it’s a real interpretation of how love can grow, however slowly, when there’s a solid base of mutual respect and affection.
Let’s explore the merits of friendship as the foundation for a fruitful romance.
How Friendship Benefits Your Romance
Looking to “When Harry Met Sally…” your life? There are some significant benefits to prioritizing friendship before romance:
1. You See Each Other as People First
Friendship strips away the performance. You’re not trying to win each other over; you’re just being yourselves.
That means you’re more likely to see the real person, not the curated version that shows up during the early dating phase. You recognize the full scope of who they are: strengths, flaws, odd hobbies, and all.
When romance eventually enters the chat, it does so with eyes wide open. You’re not falling for a fantasy, you’re choosing someone you already know.
2. You Learn the Quirks Before They’re Irritations
Everyone has habits that range from charming to mildly maddening. Being friends first gives you a front-row seat to those quirks without romance distorting your judgment.
You learn how they take their coffee, how they handle stress, what makes them laugh, and what makes them shut down.
This familiarity breeds empathy. It makes it easier to accept, accommodate, or lovingly challenge habits once the stakes of the relationship grow.
3. You Talk About the Real Stuff
Romance can get in the way of real talk. When you’re in the honeymoon phase, you’re more likely to keep things breezy and avoid hard conversations.
But friendship? Friendship invites honesty. When you’re not trying to impress, you’re more likely to have unfiltered chats about goals, values, fears, and dealbreakers.
These early, low-pressure discussions build conversational fluency—the ability to navigate complex topics without spiraling. And that’s a skill every strong relationship can benefit from.
4. When the Honeymoon Phase Ends, You Still Like Each Other
The passion might slow down. The novelty will fade. But if you’re married to someone you actually like, you’re working with staying power.
Shared interests, laughter, and mutual respect are the quiet engines of long-term compatibility.
Friendship reminds you that love isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just enjoying each other’s company and knowing you’re on the same team, even when life gets messy.
5. You’re Building a Mutual Partnership, Not a Fantasy
A marriage isn’t built on grand gestures. It’s built on shared grocery lists, managing monthly finances, midnight debates over thermostat settings, and tackling life’s unpredictability as a united front.
When your relationship starts with friendship, you’re already used to showing up for one another in practical, consistent ways. You know how to collaborate. You know how to disagree. You know how to get over yourselves and work toward common ground.
Final Thoughts
Being friends before dating or marrying has some serious perks.
When mindfully approached, it builds a foundation rooted in trust, honesty, and mutual respect, all the things that matter long after the butterflies settle down.
Thinking about marrying your best friend and curious how a prenuptial agreement can facilitate the next phase of your relationship? Book a consultation call with me today