Prenups often get labeled as unromantic, cold, or unnecessary.
In reality, a well-handled prenup discussion can strengthen your relationship, clarify expectations, and lay the groundwork for a healthy long-term marriage.
The key is approaching the process with intention, collaboration, and the right support.
Here are practical ways to ensure your prenup conversations feel constructive (not combative).
BEFORE getting married, what conversations about MONEY should you have with your partner?
Use this guide to discuss budgets, assets, debts, goals, joints bank accounts and more.
Get the guide1. Don’t Hire a Bulldog Attorney
The attorney you choose sets the tone for the entire prenup process. A traditional “bulldog” litigator may be great in court, but that style tends to create unnecessary tension during prenup negotiation
Instead, your first stop should be someone who specializes in prenups, a mediator, or a collaborative-minded attorney. These types of attorneys will:
- Advocate for your interests while taking in your partner’s perspective
- Genuinely be kind, respectful, and responsive
- Understand that a prenup is a mutual agreement, not a zero-sum battle
This approach keeps the process focused on problem-solving rather than point-scoring.
2. Focus on How Money Will Function in Your Marriage
Money is the most common source of conflict in relationships.
Fortunately, the prenup process provides a structured opportunity to understand one another’s financial habits and expectations before tying the knot.
Use this time to talk about:
- How income will be earned and shared
- Who’s paying the living expenses
- Spending styles and budgeting preferences
- Family financial histories and inherited values
- Saving, investing, and long-term goals
Yes, talking about money can feel scary. But remember, you’ll be discussing money throughout your entire marriage. Having these conversations now empowers you to build financial transparency and trust from the outset.
Over time, you’ll become more comfortable discussing money, so these conversations won’t feel tense or unfamiliar later on.
3. View the Prenup as a Practical Plan
Think of your prenup as a marital planning tool. One that helps you make thoughtful decisions about the life you’re intentionally choosing to build.
This includes deciding which assets to keep separate, what you’ll build jointly, and how you’ll navigate the financial realities of marriage (not just the celebrations).
Topics like autonomy, compromise, and even pets and social media are all valid and important matters to consider.
This level of clarity minimizes confusion later and creates a shared vision for how your practical and financial life will function.
4. Set the Right Time, Place, and Mood
The environment in which you discuss your prenup matters. These are sensitive topics, and both partners should feel comfortable and respected.
Use these guidelines for the big talk:
- Choose the right setting. Have the conversation in private—not in public or at a family gathering, or while distracted.
- Schedule it intentionally. Give your partner notice so neither of you feels blindsided: “Can we sit down this weekend to talk through some financial things for the prenup?”
- Make the environment relaxed. Light some candles, pour a glass of wine, get naked (figuratively or literally – whatever floats your boat). It’s vital that you both feel at ease.
- Make it a dialogue, not an interview. Ask questions, listen actively, and avoid rapid-fire demands or pressure.
- Use structured tools. Guided questionnaires or conversation prompts can help you stay focused and fair.
Final Thoughts
When approached thoughtfully, a prenup becomes a foundation-building exercise that encourages open communication, transparency, and honesty.
The process can feel intimidating, but with the right tools, it becomes collaborative and positive. Ultimately, the prenup talk will bring you closer together.
If you’d like support creating a prenup that reflects your values and strengthens your partnership, reach out — I’d love to help.